So, here it is.  I’m officially a stay-at-home-mom.  (SAHM for those up on their internet abbreviations.)  Is this what I wanted?  Well, I thought it was.  Was I ready for it?  NOT ON YOUR LIFE.  How did it happen?  Finding myself suddenly unemployed as of last Thursday.

Could I have found another job?  Definitely.  Why haven’t/didn’t/won’t I?  Because SuperDad and I decided that what is best for our family is for me to stay home with the girls.  Even if that means he has to take on another job or two.  Because he is, as I said, SuperDad.  Why is he SuperDad?  Well, up until last Friday, he worked a full time job from home AND took care of our girls, CityGirl (3 years old) and BittyGirl (5 months old).  That right there is THREE full time jobs as far as I’m concerned.

It’s kind of funny, looking back on how we started down this path.  Last Wednesday night, I lost it.  And by “lost it”, I mean I was very close to needing to be committed.  SuperDad posted a little note in his Facebook about going grocery shopping with the girls.  He wrote about the moms and grandmas that stopped him and said how amazing it was that he was taking care of both the girls.  And that right there?  KILLED. ME.  He was always being told what an amazing husband and father he is, which he totally deserves.  But ask me how many times someone complemented my wife-ness and mothering skills.  Go on, ASK.  *waits patiently*  Oh, wait, this is the internet, you can’t ask me.

Zero.  Nada.  Zilch.  Not once has anyone told me I’m a good wife and mother.  I would go to work every day, bust my butt for people who didn’t deserve that much of my energy, and then come home too tired and beat down to actually do the things a good wife and mother should do.  So no, no one ever told me I was a good wife and mother, and I didn’t deserve to be told such a thing anyway.  So that Wednesday night, I lost my marbles and screamed, “I CAN’T TAKE IT ANYMORE.  I can’t keep going to work and getting beat down and come home to the same.  I can’t keep putting all this energy into people who don’t matter and not having any more for the people who do!”

The next day, SuperDad’s day started out very rough with CityGirl and BittyGirl.  I went into work.  I did the best job I could do, going out of my way for the last clients I had before getting called into a meeting and hearing the words “termination” and “clean out your desk”.  I called SuperDad and broke the news to him.  He thought I was joking.  When he realized that no, I do not have the WORST SENSE OF HUMOR EVER, he wanted to come down and pound some faces in.  After I calmed him down, he just came and sat in the parking lot, waiting to give me the hug that I so desperately needed.

And then we went home.  And we talked.  And we realized that God had been trying to get us to make changes in our life so that I could be at home with the girls.  And he said that he would do whatever it took to make it happen.  Because above all else, my husband is truly a man out to take care of his family.  He wants what is best for ALL of us.  And that right there is why I love him so much.

So my new job is to be the best wife and mother I can be.  Will people tell me I’m SuperMom?  Heck no, and I don’t expect it.  Will I feel like SuperMom?  Heck no, I’m going to feel totally useless most of the time.  But will I love it?  HECK YES.

Advertisements